They were waiting for you, oh Trump. They rooted for you. They lit candles for your victory and bet all their chips on you. Day and night, they exalted you on all state television channels, radio, and the internet, as if you were their candidate. As if these were their elections, as if we had the right to vote in them. With the same fervor and sweat as the Caucasian general-governors who strive to secure Putin's ninety-nine percent of public love.

They fought for you, Trump, forgetting national pride, not understanding that by coaxing the Russian people to get close to you using their usual methods, they were turning Russia into an American region, whose fate depends on politicians in a distant federal center.

You are what we were taught to hate about America since kindergarten. You are an arrogant oligarch, Trump, a liar, you bathe in gold and respect only money, and you are an imperialist, yet they taught us to adore you despite all this. When you won, they applauded you standing, thinking they were applauding themselves. Your victory was their victory, Trump. But why? Why are they so happy about you? Because you gave them a promise they had been waiting for so long.

They want only one thing from you: respect for Russia. It sounds innocent enough, and the demand seems achievable. If you don't delve into the meanings they attach to the word "respect" and the word "Russia."

"Russia" is them: the group of people currently holding power in our country. A fairly compact group, bound by a common past and many business interests. Mostly veterans of the secret services, suffering from professional psychological aberrations. They stumbled into great power by accident, and despite this accident, convinced themselves of the sacred nature of their power. Chosen, not elected, and therefore perceiving the population as a generator of chaos and threats. They have diligently forgotten that they themselves come from the people, and thus no longer understand or feel the people. They themselves told us: Russia is Putin, naturally including themselves in Putin. Yes, over a decade and a half, Western intelligence agencies have figured out who this collective Putin is. They have understood how elegantly the methods of criminal management, introduced by comrade Stalin, are applied in modern Russia. They have unraveled the intricate connections between big business, organized crime, and secret services, which are the real politics in our country. They have removed their masks. They have seen their true faces. And now you will have to love these faces, Trump, because the masks no longer fit them. They extend their hand to you, no matter what it is smeared with, Trump. Remember that "respect" is a key concept in the world of "notions." Respect, shake hands.

And "respect" also means "non-interference." Don't repeat Obama's mistakes, Trump, don't bring your American charter into our Orthodox monastery. Our path is unique. Russia has stood for centuries on the stupefaction and decimation of its people, on the suffocation of free thought, on mutual responsibility, on fear and ecstasy, on amnesia and historical reconstruction, on the lies of ideology and religion, on endless confrontation with potential adversaries. No, this is not a civilizational lag. Don't teach us to abandon our ritual sacrifices, and our feudal system is unique, beautiful, wise, and eternal. Respect foreign culture, Trump.

And one more thing: we need to establish the same sovereign order in neighboring territories. Believe me: no form of government suits them better than the criminal one proposed by comrade Stalin for order in the camp population. We are historically close; what suits us will suit our neighbors. That's why they were waiting for you, Trump. All they want from America is to be left alone. To stop meddling with advice. Their antics with your elections are just an instructive example. They don't like it when you meddle in things that aren't your business. That's why they were happy when you promised them that you'd leave Russia alone. And we were happy because they told us on television to be happy.

We don't like being taught how to live, Trump. Even if it's not like yours, even if it's short and difficult here, we are very proud of it. We don't want to live; we like to survive.

They were waiting for you, Trump. We were all waiting. Don't let us down.